Finally fixed up my archives and added a bit more small details to the blog site. Had wanted to change the skin by the frame that showed when the blogger gets lengthy is too ugly to be displayed. So its back to this same old new-and-improved-by-a-little site.
It's 12.25 am right now. Gonna be bedtime in a bit.. *sigh* Lost a little personal battle just now. Wished I had more self-control over myself sometimes. But I guess, by doing some of the things I did, I found myself coping better each time. But still, I feel a little lousy now. Sometimes I wish I'm able to take things at face value and trust them according to what I see. But oh well, I'm taurean and a natural worrier.
I don't think I am seeking reassurance. Because I know that there isn't a need to. So what do I need? I have no idea as well. Perhaps confidence. Ever felt you were less simply because you think the other party is more than you are? Not because she is but simply because you are giving her the power to be. Annoying isnt it? I feel like this sometimes. Not because I am treated any less. In fact, I believe I am treated with more love, concern, devotion, happiness and respect. So why and I giving her the power to ruin my mood? Why do I care so much? SHouldn't it not bother me a single bit? Afterall, it's history. Plus, he doesnt give a two cents hoot about her, so why am I placing such regard on her very existence? Am I afraid that she would come back for him? Am I afraid that I might be less than she is? Am I afraid I wouldn't be able to fill that gap she left? Am I afraid that he wouldn't be as happy? Am I afraid that he would use her as a benchmark to how I should be like?
I think deep down inside me, every bit of the above mentioned scares me a bit. Even though I know none of the above will ever happen unless a nightmare happens in reality. Otherwise, there is nothing to fear. But yet, those issues crawl up to me at my darkest hour and threatens my confidence. I guess I am human afterall and have my own insecurities. But it's also things like these that make me more aware of what she is missing out on and thus, it makes me cherish waht I have. It's happiness that I hold so close to my heart. I wonder if I will ever learn to let go fully... Afterall.. if you witness something so painful that happened to someone you love dearly, would you forget it? But I guess the good thing is, without it, there wouldn't be us, would there? :)
All things happen for a reason. And all reasons are good. No matter if we choose to believe it. This time round, I believe that this is His way for making the both of us learn. And for us, it will be for the better, never the worse.
Too much thinking for the night. Time for a wee bit of friends then it's bedtime. Muacks dearie. Sleep tight!
KTV tomorrow! Yayy!!! Tuition tomorrow.. BOoooooooooooo!
It's 12.25 am right now. Gonna be bedtime in a bit.. *sigh* Lost a little personal battle just now. Wished I had more self-control over myself sometimes. But I guess, by doing some of the things I did, I found myself coping better each time. But still, I feel a little lousy now. Sometimes I wish I'm able to take things at face value and trust them according to what I see. But oh well, I'm taurean and a natural worrier.
I don't think I am seeking reassurance. Because I know that there isn't a need to. So what do I need? I have no idea as well. Perhaps confidence. Ever felt you were less simply because you think the other party is more than you are? Not because she is but simply because you are giving her the power to be. Annoying isnt it? I feel like this sometimes. Not because I am treated any less. In fact, I believe I am treated with more love, concern, devotion, happiness and respect. So why and I giving her the power to ruin my mood? Why do I care so much? SHouldn't it not bother me a single bit? Afterall, it's history. Plus, he doesnt give a two cents hoot about her, so why am I placing such regard on her very existence? Am I afraid that she would come back for him? Am I afraid that I might be less than she is? Am I afraid I wouldn't be able to fill that gap she left? Am I afraid that he wouldn't be as happy? Am I afraid that he would use her as a benchmark to how I should be like?
I think deep down inside me, every bit of the above mentioned scares me a bit. Even though I know none of the above will ever happen unless a nightmare happens in reality. Otherwise, there is nothing to fear. But yet, those issues crawl up to me at my darkest hour and threatens my confidence. I guess I am human afterall and have my own insecurities. But it's also things like these that make me more aware of what she is missing out on and thus, it makes me cherish waht I have. It's happiness that I hold so close to my heart. I wonder if I will ever learn to let go fully... Afterall.. if you witness something so painful that happened to someone you love dearly, would you forget it? But I guess the good thing is, without it, there wouldn't be us, would there? :)
All things happen for a reason. And all reasons are good. No matter if we choose to believe it. This time round, I believe that this is His way for making the both of us learn. And for us, it will be for the better, never the worse.
Too much thinking for the night. Time for a wee bit of friends then it's bedtime. Muacks dearie. Sleep tight!
KTV tomorrow! Yayy!!! Tuition tomorrow.. BOoooooooooooo!
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