It's only Tuesday and my week seems bleak. Had an absolutely horrific day. And to think things could not be any worse. Who would to think that all odds are against me. As always. Everything is against me. Always. Fricking schedule is up and at a glance, all my plans are spoilt. Fricking guts abandoned me and now, I am fricking confused. I so hate what was installed for me earlier today. And I don't see anything better later during the day.
Went to Bugis earlier on to talk a walk. Somehow I feel zonked out. I just walked to the bus stop, walked to wherever without knowing where. I just walked. And walked. And walked. Ever had the feeling of not being there when your body is there? Warpy. But I just went wherever my legs brought me. Went to a couple of shops a few hundred times, then realising im there, then walked in circles because I don't know what I want. Finally decided to find something for a loved one. Maybe it would cheer me up. Walked and walked. Walked and walked. Mind was elsewhere. But I don't know where. Was just somewhere. Or maybe it didn't exist in the first place. I can't even remember the places I've been into now. Maybe I just wasn't there to begin with.
Got pushed, walked into people, and almost a door. Was at Long John when somehow my brain screwed up. Wanted to exit. But for a second, my mind wondered, and asked myself if I could exit via the glass pane. Thankfully my mind wandered back in time for me to use the proper door. Else I would have made an absolute fool of myself. Spastic.
I wonder why is it that why I always have to do certain things. Too kind? Too timid? Or just that I take things too easily. Was using the zebra crossing. And cars never stopped for me. Fucktards. It's the zebra crossing damn it. Why do I stand like a fool and let those frickheads go first. Looking back, why am I always letting people have the damn honour of doing certain things first. I bend too much. Sooner or later, It'll just reduce me to a spineless mess. Stop that considerate shit. Why should you give a damn when people only take good advantage of it? You give way, but people end up stepping all over you. If so, why should you? Let my guard down and people stab you from the back. It's this the real world? Maybe I should learn a thing or two now. Airheads, if I let you go up the bus even though you cut in front of me, it doesnt mean you are plain superior and therefore garner a place in front of me. It simply means I am more courteous than you are. It doesnt mean that when you step on my toes, and I say sorry, it means I am at fault. It simply means I am taught manners while you are not.
I hate this. I want to go back to Genting. Where bliss is found. No schedules. No potential troubles. No worries. No bending. I dont have to worry who I have to please more to do what. I dont have to make choices. I dont have to worry how I am going to cope. Get a life girl. Stand up on your own two feet. Fend for yourself. No one should tell you what to do. There aren't any rules. Even if there are, It should be your rules. For your whole life, you've been considerate, putting others before yourself. Time to think for yourself. Whine more girl. It will get you nowhere. NOWHERE. This is your life. Why let others ride you like a dog. Be strong girl. You have courage. Make use of it. No one will ever learn to respect you if you show you can be pushed around. Be nice always but not too nice. Be independent girl. You're just too accomodating. That is your weakness. Why try to please everyone when you only break your limbs in the process girl.
Smile always girl. Like you always have. People smile back and you and treat you warmly. You know that feeling makes you warm and fuzzy. Love like you always have girl. It's the only way you'll find love in return. Believe that Andy love you with all his heart girl. Everything tells you he loves you deeply. Trust yourself girl. You have good judgement. Just that many elements interfere with them and you do something else just to please others. Believe in your abilities girl. You are able. You just need to realise your potential. Work hard girl. You greatest downfall is probably that you try too little and put so many things before that. You can't always please people. So why not please yourself first. People come and go. They might and they might not understand. But they won't remember you for that. You screw up and the guilt is yours to carry for the rest of your life. Make yourself a future. It is in your own hands, not in others. They will be proud of you when it happens. Prioritize girl. You have a lot to cope with. Make sure you know what comes first and what comes last. Stick to it. You screw them up, you'll only have yourself to blame. Your future is yours to create and yours to keep girl. Don't keep to yourself girl. It'll only make your heart ache. Don't think you can shoulder all responsiblilties girl. It'll only break your knees in the process and you might never climb back up again. Don't think you can when you can't girl. You know you'll crumble. Don't try to settle everything yourself girl. Get help. You are only a child. Study hard girl. Work hard for your own future. Your exams are near. Put everything aside first. It will not cost you much. Do what pleases you most. You don't need additional stress. People who loves you will support your decision. Don't worry girl. Everything will be fine. You have only a few more months. Make sure you rejoice after that and not regret it. Everything will be well worth it after that. Be persistent girl. You believe in a lot of things. Don't get suayed easily. It's your life. You make the decisions.
Just got a called from the tuition agency. Apparently my services are needed. Primary 4 kid. Indo kid. Twice a week. Evenings. 1 and a half hours per session. During dinner time. Oh well. Better than doing nothing and not earn anything. At least I get paid.
Sigh. Cheer up. If others don't love you enough to make you happy. At least you make yourself happy right? Life is only miserable when you choose it to be. Wise up girl. You aint stupid, so live your life the way you think is best for yourself. Don't screw yourself. You won't live forever so you'll have yourself to thank when you live a happy life. Try your best. It is cant happen, remember, you are only human, not a magician.
Went to Bugis earlier on to talk a walk. Somehow I feel zonked out. I just walked to the bus stop, walked to wherever without knowing where. I just walked. And walked. And walked. Ever had the feeling of not being there when your body is there? Warpy. But I just went wherever my legs brought me. Went to a couple of shops a few hundred times, then realising im there, then walked in circles because I don't know what I want. Finally decided to find something for a loved one. Maybe it would cheer me up. Walked and walked. Walked and walked. Mind was elsewhere. But I don't know where. Was just somewhere. Or maybe it didn't exist in the first place. I can't even remember the places I've been into now. Maybe I just wasn't there to begin with.
Got pushed, walked into people, and almost a door. Was at Long John when somehow my brain screwed up. Wanted to exit. But for a second, my mind wondered, and asked myself if I could exit via the glass pane. Thankfully my mind wandered back in time for me to use the proper door. Else I would have made an absolute fool of myself. Spastic.
I wonder why is it that why I always have to do certain things. Too kind? Too timid? Or just that I take things too easily. Was using the zebra crossing. And cars never stopped for me. Fucktards. It's the zebra crossing damn it. Why do I stand like a fool and let those frickheads go first. Looking back, why am I always letting people have the damn honour of doing certain things first. I bend too much. Sooner or later, It'll just reduce me to a spineless mess. Stop that considerate shit. Why should you give a damn when people only take good advantage of it? You give way, but people end up stepping all over you. If so, why should you? Let my guard down and people stab you from the back. It's this the real world? Maybe I should learn a thing or two now. Airheads, if I let you go up the bus even though you cut in front of me, it doesnt mean you are plain superior and therefore garner a place in front of me. It simply means I am more courteous than you are. It doesnt mean that when you step on my toes, and I say sorry, it means I am at fault. It simply means I am taught manners while you are not.
I hate this. I want to go back to Genting. Where bliss is found. No schedules. No potential troubles. No worries. No bending. I dont have to worry who I have to please more to do what. I dont have to make choices. I dont have to worry how I am going to cope. Get a life girl. Stand up on your own two feet. Fend for yourself. No one should tell you what to do. There aren't any rules. Even if there are, It should be your rules. For your whole life, you've been considerate, putting others before yourself. Time to think for yourself. Whine more girl. It will get you nowhere. NOWHERE. This is your life. Why let others ride you like a dog. Be strong girl. You have courage. Make use of it. No one will ever learn to respect you if you show you can be pushed around. Be nice always but not too nice. Be independent girl. You're just too accomodating. That is your weakness. Why try to please everyone when you only break your limbs in the process girl.
Smile always girl. Like you always have. People smile back and you and treat you warmly. You know that feeling makes you warm and fuzzy. Love like you always have girl. It's the only way you'll find love in return. Believe that Andy love you with all his heart girl. Everything tells you he loves you deeply. Trust yourself girl. You have good judgement. Just that many elements interfere with them and you do something else just to please others. Believe in your abilities girl. You are able. You just need to realise your potential. Work hard girl. You greatest downfall is probably that you try too little and put so many things before that. You can't always please people. So why not please yourself first. People come and go. They might and they might not understand. But they won't remember you for that. You screw up and the guilt is yours to carry for the rest of your life. Make yourself a future. It is in your own hands, not in others. They will be proud of you when it happens. Prioritize girl. You have a lot to cope with. Make sure you know what comes first and what comes last. Stick to it. You screw them up, you'll only have yourself to blame. Your future is yours to create and yours to keep girl. Don't keep to yourself girl. It'll only make your heart ache. Don't think you can shoulder all responsiblilties girl. It'll only break your knees in the process and you might never climb back up again. Don't think you can when you can't girl. You know you'll crumble. Don't try to settle everything yourself girl. Get help. You are only a child. Study hard girl. Work hard for your own future. Your exams are near. Put everything aside first. It will not cost you much. Do what pleases you most. You don't need additional stress. People who loves you will support your decision. Don't worry girl. Everything will be fine. You have only a few more months. Make sure you rejoice after that and not regret it. Everything will be well worth it after that. Be persistent girl. You believe in a lot of things. Don't get suayed easily. It's your life. You make the decisions.
Just got a called from the tuition agency. Apparently my services are needed. Primary 4 kid. Indo kid. Twice a week. Evenings. 1 and a half hours per session. During dinner time. Oh well. Better than doing nothing and not earn anything. At least I get paid.
Sigh. Cheer up. If others don't love you enough to make you happy. At least you make yourself happy right? Life is only miserable when you choose it to be. Wise up girl. You aint stupid, so live your life the way you think is best for yourself. Don't screw yourself. You won't live forever so you'll have yourself to thank when you live a happy life. Try your best. It is cant happen, remember, you are only human, not a magician.
