Misery loves company
Think I should just keep myself from the world when I am PMSing. I am so not in a good mood. Factors that shouldn't be bothering me normally are now. Things I thought I can live without, now can't. And like they always say, when it rains it pours. Did I mention I lost another kiddo? I lost a sapphire male. All my favourites. Did I mention again I cramped so badly last night and passed out, fell down and now my calf is cramping as well? Did I also mention lotsa shit happened in my game last night involving people I cared about? Shit happens. And it all happened in just a single evening.
I have so much to rant now. I am in an irate mood right now. So let me rant if you may. All these thoughts shall expire 12 hours from now.
I do not understand the balance people mentioned in relationships. I don't think I can ever achieve it. Always foolish, always blind, trying too hard to be perfect. It becomes a habit, a lifestyle. It becomes what is expected of me. It becomes a norm and finally it becomes a chore. Things become the way it should be, it has to be, it must be. Should I shut up, let my life change me, or open up and change my life? Should I pretend things will change or should I make things change? Should I accept myself and others or should I find that balance? Should I continue to be reckless and foolish and sometimes, hard on myself or should I just bother less, care less and be less harsh on myself? Should I continue to embrace misery thinking that only misery makes love bitter sweet or should I love myself once again? Should I keep asking myself and praying for signs that I deserve better and that one day I might just get it or should I just be contented that I am alive and therefore, deserves no more. Should I continue to push on and do things I feel I am able to even though I needn't or should I take a more laid-back attitude and let others worry about them themselves?
I think I secretly adore being miserable, being in pain and being heartbroken. I guess, it makes me feel alive. Makes me feel I am not a superhuman afterall. Makes me realise I need TLC too and makes me realise I have someone to take care of me when I fall. I don't want to be strong sometimes. I am way too strong at others for my own good. I lose passion, I lose life, I lose the way I want to be and become a robot. I lose the meaning in little things and indulge in things that draw me away from myself. I become compulsive, obsessive. I become morbid. I over-analyse and over-state. I would like to pretend to be weak at times too. That's the only way I can get in touch with myself. To feel alive again. I am, afterall, only a girl.
Ignore the above. I am just ranting. Never been better with Andy, so don't worry. Just in a PMS-y mood and feeling pissy.
ps: The 'the one' statement was just a figure of speech. Not to be taken literally. Heh. Would kill him if he doesnt make me that one. Thanks for the concern!
Alrighty. He called. Till then! Out!
Tired.. in pain.. I need a hug.
Think I should just keep myself from the world when I am PMSing. I am so not in a good mood. Factors that shouldn't be bothering me normally are now. Things I thought I can live without, now can't. And like they always say, when it rains it pours. Did I mention I lost another kiddo? I lost a sapphire male. All my favourites. Did I mention again I cramped so badly last night and passed out, fell down and now my calf is cramping as well? Did I also mention lotsa shit happened in my game last night involving people I cared about? Shit happens. And it all happened in just a single evening.
I have so much to rant now. I am in an irate mood right now. So let me rant if you may. All these thoughts shall expire 12 hours from now.
I do not understand the balance people mentioned in relationships. I don't think I can ever achieve it. Always foolish, always blind, trying too hard to be perfect. It becomes a habit, a lifestyle. It becomes what is expected of me. It becomes a norm and finally it becomes a chore. Things become the way it should be, it has to be, it must be. Should I shut up, let my life change me, or open up and change my life? Should I pretend things will change or should I make things change? Should I accept myself and others or should I find that balance? Should I continue to be reckless and foolish and sometimes, hard on myself or should I just bother less, care less and be less harsh on myself? Should I continue to embrace misery thinking that only misery makes love bitter sweet or should I love myself once again? Should I keep asking myself and praying for signs that I deserve better and that one day I might just get it or should I just be contented that I am alive and therefore, deserves no more. Should I continue to push on and do things I feel I am able to even though I needn't or should I take a more laid-back attitude and let others worry about them themselves?
I think I secretly adore being miserable, being in pain and being heartbroken. I guess, it makes me feel alive. Makes me feel I am not a superhuman afterall. Makes me realise I need TLC too and makes me realise I have someone to take care of me when I fall. I don't want to be strong sometimes. I am way too strong at others for my own good. I lose passion, I lose life, I lose the way I want to be and become a robot. I lose the meaning in little things and indulge in things that draw me away from myself. I become compulsive, obsessive. I become morbid. I over-analyse and over-state. I would like to pretend to be weak at times too. That's the only way I can get in touch with myself. To feel alive again. I am, afterall, only a girl.
Ignore the above. I am just ranting. Never been better with Andy, so don't worry. Just in a PMS-y mood and feeling pissy.
ps: The 'the one' statement was just a figure of speech. Not to be taken literally. Heh. Would kill him if he doesnt make me that one. Thanks for the concern!
Alrighty. He called. Till then! Out!
Tired.. in pain.. I need a hug.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home