Overeating brings dire consequences.

***

I feel like I am making a mockery
out of your patience, kindness and love.
I know you meant every single word you said.
Yet, I cast doubts on them.
Building that sky high defences like I used to,
I can't help but feel sorry,
For all that has been said, done and felt.
For that split moment, your tenderness almost had me.
You definitely had me at hello.
But yet, I find these legs doing the 100m dash,
each and every single time you inch closer.
Your every single display of concern,
affection,
love,
in attempt to create moments,
are starting to become a liability.
My liability, not yours.
For you had given,
only your best,
in that attempt,
to win the trophy.
That jaded trophy.
Maybe some day,
victory may be yours.
Just maybe,
maybe.
But today,
your attempts,
made me incur plenty of debts.
Debts towards you, towards me, towards us.
I don't have the courage or the will to repay them.
Not today.
Just now today.

It's all for the world to see,
what a wondeful man you may be.
But deep in the depths of the ailing heart.
Lies a flicker of flame that yearns to burn,
Waiting for that chance to take its turn.
How strong is your love, how deep how true?
Come time will tell,
For now, I play the safe game.
To lock that depths,
tucked safe and sound.
Fearless as I may be,
not going to take a chance to tell you I love thee.
For honesty will be my best bet,
Not gonna do a tit for tat.
For the many lies I used to tell,
and the many tears I was forced to shed.
Lost my pride and weathered many storms.
Telling to another music to his ears,
in response to what he said u say too.

Not now.
Not now.
Can I have time?
Time to love myself?
I no longer wish to force myself to love someone.
It only becomes an empty obsession and a chore.
I held that occupation for almost two years.
Let you be perfect because you are perfect for me,
Let not you be perfect because I remind myself to see you as that.

I need time.
Let me be selfish.