When it rains, it pours.

MSN is down. I am destined to feel utterly alone today.

In so much pain I feel numbed.

Get a grip of yourself girl.

How to when I lost the only thing I ever wanted.

How to? How to? How to?

Hush my little baby.. Don't you cry..

Hoobastank - The Reason

I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears

Thats why i need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

My one-true-love

Dearest,

I saw your nickname.. something tells me it was for me.. like what I've told you yesterday.. every word you said to me.. has been forgiven the instant they were said.. Silly me can NEVER hate you *grin* *bonk* You know.. I miss you a great deal right now.. I know I know.. boundaries.. But I am hurting right now.. you know that? So let me be wilful will you? :) I'm always that silly girl.. remember? So let me be silly once more...

I adore you.. I miss you.. I love you.. I want you.. I miss the times I watched you perform on stage. I miss the times I watched you jam.. I miss the way you look when you drive. I miss the way you held my hand and gave me kisses.. I hurt when you refuse to give me that one last kiss.. I hurt when you refuse to hold my hand for the last time.. I hurt when we embraced for the last time.. I hurt when I didn't see tears falling from your face.. I hurt when I felt your heartbeat when we hugged. I miss the times we played silly games.. I miss the times we wrestled and played rose garden.. I miss the times we hung out with your parents.. I miss your family.. I miss spock, starsky and shadow.. I miss the times we went out. I miss the times I lay next to you.. I miss the times we cuddled. I miss the times you held me when there were thunder storms.. I miss having to cook for you.. I miss having you come back home with that silly grin.. I miss you complaining about work, school and people.. I miss hearing you sigh because you were tired.. I miss you telling me about the people you met at work.. I miss being around you.. I miss being part of your life.. I miss your smses and all those messages.. I miss you cheering me up with your silly antics.. I miss seeing that crooked grin on your face.. I miss teling you lame crappy jokes to make you laugh.. I miss making witty comments that leave u baffled.. I miss you calling me Silly Baby.. I miss you so much right now.. I miss you asking me about my day.. I miss your warmth.. I miss your kisses.. I miss your hugs.. I miss having your arms around me.. I miss going to grocery shop with you.. I miss watching videos with you.. I miss playing Xbox with you.. I miss playing computer games with you.. I miss you telling me how great I am... How wonderful I look when I'm all made up.. I miss you being your best friend.. I miss being the person who understands you.. I miss being with you.. I miss being with you.. I miss you.. I miss you.. I hurt knowing that I can never have what you have given me all these while.. I hurt when you said I deserve more.. I hurt when you decided I should deserve more.. I hurt when you said I can find someone who loves me better. I hurt fearing the unknown.. I hurt when I see that the ring is no longer there. I hurt when I too know that my ring no longer means the same thing.. I hurt when I saw your face for the last time.. I hurt when I touched your face for the last time.. I hurt whenI felt your warm hands touch my face for the last time.. I hurt when you called out my name in that gentle tone.. I hurt when I saw you waiting for me to go up.. I hurt when I felt you hurting.. I hurt when I felt powerless.. I hurt to know that you can no longer protect me.. I hurt when I tried to laugh.. I hurt to badly when I tried to make you laugh.. I was hurting so deeply inside.. I hurt when I saw you smile.. I hurt when I returned that smile.. I hurt when you placed your hands on top of mine.. I hurt when I placed my hands on top of you.. I hurt when I breathed you scent for the last time.. I hurt when you have already decided.. I miss having you next to me.. Do you know I miss you..? I miss you talking to me in that kiddish tone.. I miss you surprising me.. I miss you telling em you love you.. I miss all those memories we shared.. I miss those great times we had.. I hurt when I playfully hit your hands yesterday.. I hurt when your stretched them out for me to hit.. I hurt when we both chuckled.. I hurt when we both laughed in the middle of the breakup.. I hurt when we could joke.. I hurt when I know how it was going to end.. I hurt each time I prayed.. I hurt when I saw that look on your face when I asked if this was a talk or a decision made.. I miss hearing you say hur hur.. I miss having you complain about a bad hairday.. I miss hearing you bitch about nasty people.. I miss watching you complain about food.. I miss hearing you call me Baby.. I hurt when you told me this has no way out.. I hurt when I felt hopeless.. I hurt when I traced your skin with my fingertips.. I hurt when I looked at the face I so love.. I hurt so badly when I was no longer The One for you.. I miss laughing at you about spiders.. I miss having you gallantly chase away lizards that cross my path.. I miss you stomping the cockroaches away.. I miss having you open cans for me.. I miss your cute expression when you say "So sad" as you rub your belly.. I miss having you burp in front of me.. I miss hearing you say "weeeee".. I miss you chiding me for opening my own can drink.. I miss watching you work at gigs.. I miss watching you do sound.. I miss seeing your puppy eyes.. I adore your lashes and your eyes.. I miss hitting your forehead playfully.. I miss making you laugh.. I miss laughing with you.. I miss getting angry at you.. I miss playing with you.. I miss kicking your butt as we walk.. I miss having your head against my back as we take the escalators.. I miss sharing food with you.. I miss holding your hand.. I miss playing with your fingers.. I miss being there for you..

And most of all, I miss you being mine.