Past two days havent been exactly good. Not directly relating to me but still I guess I am somewhat affected. Found out that a sec school classmate's mother passed away very recently. Shocked the hell out of me. Completely stunned and once again, I realised how vulnerable the lives of our loved ones can be. It's something I often try not to think about for the very reason that it depresses me. I cannot imagine myself mourning for someone I love - my family, my partner, my friends, and even any pets that I may keep. I cannot imagine myself accepting condolences from people whom I barely know, telling me 'it's gonna be alright' simply because wouldn't be. A part of you dies along with the person. And if he/she is dear enough, probably most if not all of you would be buried along with it. To have someone you love leave you is perhaps the worse pain ever.

I used to tell everyone I would like to die before my loved ones. But then, Andy once told me that if I did, it wouldn't be fair and yadda yadda. Perhaps its true. Who would take care of my loved ones then? Who would love them then? Not saying they they would have no one else who cares for them but if I die, wouldn't that be one less person loving them? So now, I am torn between staying very much alive and doing my part in the future as a child/wife/mother/friend/sow to the country/economy contributor/good citizen and trying to kill myself before my loved ones pass on to the pearly gates so as not to suffer the anguish of losing a loved one.

This evening, I bought 3 cards for mother's day. One for my mum, one for his mom and the other for his sister-in-law. I found out that Andy does not practise the habit of writing in such cards, something that I do diligently every special occasion to loved ones. In a way, I like expressing how I feel for a person. As I wrote my mum's card, I realised how much I enjoy it. It's a special feeling that you get when you tell someone you love her for a million reasons. And as I look back, I realise how unconditional it can be. Not that I often appreciate and see it but that care and love given by a person moulds and shapes you. I would not be who I am if my parents were, say, violent. So, please do write your mothers a card today if you haven't done so. if you can tell your gf/bf that you love them, why can't you do the same for someone who bore you, care and love you all her life?

I have also learnt the courage of the human heart. To love is to give, and to give is to let go. To love without hurting and to let go without getting hurt. Perhaps, all we need is time? Complexities of love are sometimes hard to resolve. There isn't a why, nor is there a how. It just is it. To be apart isn't to love less, and to be together doesn't necessarily mean to love more. Sometimes, it's just for the better. Perhaps, time to straighten out thoughts and struggles and sometimes, it's the start of a better, happier life. Time may not heal all wounds but at the very least, time will open up your eyes. This I only realised about much thought. Sometimes you get lost in the tunnel and can't see light. But it is only time when you find a way out.

Everyone deserves the best. It's just that perhaps, some haven't found that right person yet and/or it isn't time for the flowers to blossom. To you guys who are hurting, I don't know what I can do or how I can take your pain away but do know that whenever you guys need a listening ear, I'll be around alright? *Hugs*

I am happy that for now, I can truly say that I have someone I wish to spend my life with. Flawed in many ways but perfect in every way. No relationship is perfect. No one lives through a relationship without an argument, fight or disagreement. Doesn't mean love isn't there. Perhaps the relationship is just more intense. Doesn't mean a seemingly peaceful relationship is perfect, it may mean that one is giving in way too much. We argue a hell lot at times but now, the both of us has grown in many ways. For one, he has become more patient with my absurd tantrums during my ovulating period. Haha. He has matured and changed a lot within a rather short time, which is apalling by my standards. I am, without a doubt, very pleased. I have too, learnt to voice out my opinions and be more vocal about how I feel. And in this way, our relationship is more balanced, with all the yin and the yang in the right positions. Haha. We have come to accept our individuality, but at the same time, be tolerant towards quirky habits. We have learnt to be in sync in many different ways. It's rather fascinating as this wasn't what I had imagined it to be. This is by far my longest lasting relationship which is still going strong (which is a surprise to me) and the fact that how I feel towards him at this point speaks volumes (had grown volumes too).

I am glad my turn came. Patience tested me and I am glad I passed and got my reward. Perhaps, fairytales do come true. Just in a more realistic package. Be patient, for Cupid may be watching you now, and the arrow will strike, when you least expect it.

Good night everyone. Have a good weekend ahead. hugs everyone. Love you Bunny. Muacks.