It's 7.30 in the evening as I write this.
And I feel strangely alone.
All numbed out.
Strangely comfortable in my own pain.
Digging into my skin.

My heart is still tearing.
From what I used to know.
I am.
On the Brink.
Of collapse.

A million voices yell out.
In my head.
For things I never said.
Of pleas.
That you would never hear.

Here I stand.
Not knowing which road I should take.
The one for the weak, and humane.
Or.
The one for the strong and unfeeling.

I would tell you a million times.
Every single day.
Of how much.
I love you.
And how much.
I need you.

To have you beside me.
Is something I would never look.
At the same way again.

To brush it away.
Is an impossible task.
For I.
Want.
You.
Here.

The clock is ticking.
And my heart sinks.
With every lost second.
With questions of.
Why.
How.
When.

There you are.
On MSM.
Do you know that.
Every word.
Ends with a.
I love you?

Trying not to cry.
For reality is such.
That the fittest survive.
For I am not.
I am just.
A.
Girl.

Little things you do.
Little injuries that has been inflicted upon you.
Makes me yearn more.
I wonder.
How you're going to take care of yourself.
Make your bed.
Clean your table.
Put your clothes away.

I adore moments.
Of you.
Taking care of me.
Like a little girl.
Amusing me.
Knowing that.
You pamper me like a child.
But is totally clueless.
When taking care of yourself.

Your silly grin.
Your silly gestures.
Your silly dance :)
Your silly songs.
Silly boy.
I have grown to love.
And much more.

Your serenades.
I would always remember.
The songs.
Plays in my background.
With images of you.
Running through my heart.
And my heart.
Tears once again.

Please.
You would say.
But I am.
Afterall.
Only a girl.

Every moment.
I pray.
For you.
To stay.
But still.
Nightmares engulfs me.
Making me feel.
The things.
I have never felt before.

Seven forty nine.
I could hear you speak out.
The way you always do.
The perfect diction.
Picture perfect.
A flutter of your lash.
Is all that is needed.
To take my pain away.

Irrelevance is what I.
Have now.
Nothing makes sense.
Until you came along.
But now.
My sight is fogging out.

A million plans.
A million hopes.
On the brink of getting all dashed.
Pain seizes me.

This negativity is a plague.
And it haunts me.
Minute after minute.
Engulfing my senses.
Drowning me.
In that lovely pot of pain.

The dark is creeping me.
Bells of destruction.

Moments of joy.
Repeats itself.
Reminding me of what.
I may be about to lose.
Picturesque.
The horrible joys.
Of life.
So unfair.
Is such.
My life.

Your impact.
Is beyond my understanding.
ANd as I call out to you.
My pleas.
Would you listen to me.

I love you.
With all my heart.
Yet this is.
Tearing me apart.

I need a sign.
A glimmer of hope.
Let me be yours.
And you,
Be mine.

A fantasy.
SCreams out.
Saying.
Together and forever.
We shall.
Never be apart.

A simple plea.
That would never be enough.

I love a Boy.
Named Andy.

The Bends - Radiohead

Where do we go from here?
The words are coming out all weird
Where are you now when i need you?
Alone in an aeroplane
Falling asleep beside the window pane
My blood will thicken.

I need to was myself again to hide all the dirt and pain
I'd be scared that there's nothing underneath
And who are my real friends?
Have they all got the bends?
Am i really sinking this low?

My baby's got the bends
We don't have any real friends
I'm lying in a bar with my drip feed on
Talking to my girlfriend waiting for something to happen
And i wish it was the sixties
I wish i could be happy
I wish, i wish, i wish that something would happen.

Where do we go from here?
The planet is a gunboat in a sea of fear
Where are you when i need you?
They brought in the cia
The tanks, and the whole marines to blow me away
To blow me sky high.

My baby's got the bends
We don't have any real friends
I'm lying in a bar with my drip feed on
Talking to my girlfriend waiting for something to happen
And i wish it was the sixties
I wish i could be happy
I wish, i wish, i wish that something would happen.

I want to live and breathe
I want to be part of the human race.