Maternity Joke

***

Your Clothes

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN
confirms your pregnancy.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.


Preparing for the Birth

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last
time,breathing didn't do a thing.

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.


The Layette

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, &
fold
them neatly in the baby's little bureau

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean & discard
only
the ones with the darkest stains.

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?


Worries (my favourite)

1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper, a frown-you pick up
the
baby.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your
firstborn.

3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical
swing.


Pacifier

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until
you
can
go home and wash and boil it.

2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with
some
juice from the baby's bottle.

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.


Diapering

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need
it
or not.

2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed.

3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to
complain
about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.


Activities

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, BabySwing, and Baby
Story Hour.

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.


Going out

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call
home 5
times.

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a
number
where you can be reached.

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she
sees
blood.


At Home

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older
child
isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the
children.


Swallowing Coins

1st child: when first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the
hospital and demand x-rays.

2nd child: when 2nd child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for
coin
to
pass.

3rd child: when 3rd child swallows a coin you deduct it from his
pocket
money.