Just got up from my nap not too long ago. Feeling quite terrible. Tum's cramping, head's hurting, nose's running. My God. Exhaustion is hitting me harder than I thought. Ought to be out with Leon and peeps now but gave it a miss. Quite glad I didn't go as well. Raining very heavily now. Think it'd be terrible if I were stuck in the rain. Love the rain but not good to be in it if I'm feeling like this. Plus, it's PS. Gonna bring back many painful memories with this weather. Rain is dreadful if it's at PS. Don't ask.

Lately, I no longer know what I want, no longer know what I am capable of. Became so dependent that I am beginning to wonder if I can survive on my own. Yawn. Dunno. Just wanna sleep it off.

Confused state. What am I here for.

Back last night from our short Johor trip! Pretty fun, dyed my hair and had a trim. LoL. Leon cut his hair as well. I think he looks good with the hair cut! Very funky!

Spent most of our time in the KTV. Woah man, they have awesome KTV as compared to Singapore. The one we went to, Neway or something, at City Sq has very nice rooms, nice mics, nice sofas, nice tv and organised system of song selection! Too bad I was too engrossed in singing and forgot to take pics with my phone ><>_<>. :) Maybe I go take a picture when I get my camera back :) But too bad la, Leon and I didn't have the guts to smuggle those games back. Haha. Another day when we are feeling braver I guess.

And oh, how could I have forgotten our dinner! 5 of us spent 180 rm on dinner at the zhi char! Ordered truckloads of food. Quite amazed we finished everything. Had two whole cereal clayfish each, that's like 4 halves, baby deep fried squids, curry fish head, stingray, venison meat, tofu and some shell stuff. had to clear them pretty fast in the beginning else no place to place our food! Haha. Very yummy! Very satisfied! Thanks Didi for always putting food on my table! :) I love them so much!

Can't wait for the next time we go there again! Hehe, but till then.. there's still a New Yr's celeb to look forward to! Yay! Can't wait for the concrete plans to be up! Weet! Gonna spend it this year with my didi, my nana, my hao, my tween and the rest! Yayyiest! Happy! Great way to end this goddammed shitty yr :)

Okies, back to burning my anime, Ciao ciao!

But I AM A GIRL what.. :) Finally they realised :)

L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
i realized that you're getting cuter
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
?_?
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
hair's wet
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
actually dry le
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
lolz
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
what cuter
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
u mean stupider
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
no la
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
cuter
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
huh
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
very girl
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
lolz
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
dotdotdot
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
what u mean very girl
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
I AM A GIRL WHAT
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
i mean very girly girly kinda cute
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
u finally realised my power
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
mu ha ha ha ha
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
must be i teh too power in my drunken stupor
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
i am a closet whine queen
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
ya
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
really very very uberly teh
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
u serious a not
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
dont scare me can
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
machiam like a spoilt princess sia...
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
really... should
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
i mean should'd taken a video clip
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
i have no recollection at all
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
now i know what hao is talking abt
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
hahaaa
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
i onyl rem some stuff came out of my throat
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
i was rinsing my mouth, jer was yakking like mad and irritating the hell out of me
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
u guys were peeling me off the sink
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
that is abt all
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
do u remember me carrying you to the toilet and washing the puke off your legs?
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
no
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
do u remember me carrying u out of the toilet into the other room?
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
no
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
lol
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
we took pis - no
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
holding my mouth - no
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
basically zero recollection
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
omy
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
omg
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
lolz
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
but ya... it happened
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
and u were very teh
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
u dun believe u can ask jeremy
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
issit
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
lol
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
closet female
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
must carry u like princess and lay u down to sleep
L3oN~ﾌ｢ﾌ~ says:
must give u my jacket cover oso in case u cold cos your clothes abit wet
Fairylove :: The return of the FFXI queen says:
thankies didid *huggies* u zee best

Yay! I am a girl! *Pops the cork off the champagne*!

Smashing Good Times

A little late but Merry Christmas everyone! Been very busy recently with work and the guys, cleaning up Leon's old place for the Christmas party and I'm happy to announce that my job stint is finally completed! Been a good month and Leon has been great company as always.

Bad news is that I actually applied expired medicated cream on my face and it has now caused a very bad outbreak! Was wondering why that few smaller pimples has exploded into huge aggrevated ones. And the worse thing is, I applied it for weeks! Yes, it took me like 3 weeks to finally take a look at the tube and to my utter horror, it expired almost 2 years ago. So, I am officially depressed over my skin! Lol. Hope it'll get better else I'm gonna go crazy.

My Christmas was awesome and I am in love again. In love with not just one, but many special individuals. People who have fun with me, people who cares for me, people who accepts me for me, people who roughs it out with me and laughs about it after, people who protects me, people who loves me, people who makes sure I am home and safe, people who puts food on my plate and drinks in my cup, people who allows me to bite food off their share anytime, and most importantly, people who cleans my puke off them and myself without chiding me. Spent my Christmas with these special people, Leon, my godsis, Hao, Tween, Jer, Chris, Meifang, and some of their friends at Leon's old place. So glad I spent my Christmas with them surrounding me instead of spending it at a club in a meaningless way.

Went over to his house with carrying all our barang barang straight after work on Friday night. Had a great dinner too! We had two huge chickens, turkey, ham, a mega huge pizza, some sides, fruits, bacon and I can't remember what else. Table full of food! But the unfortunate thing was Chris and Meifang got into an accident nearby. The car's front was pretty smashed up when we went down to check things out. But thankfully Chris only got a bump in the head. Poor Meifang was pretty shaken up but she was ok as well. Scary man. But they were well enough to join us on Sat so all's fine now :) Friday night, there was only Leon, myself, nana, Hao, Tween and Layjen. Doing our favourite activity of course! With flaming lambos!!!! Yeah man, Tween knows how to make that wretchedly yummilicious drink!! :D Was damn delicious!!!

Woke up on Saturday morning with a mild fever but feeling happy and hyped for our Sukiyaki dinner! Went grocery shopping with them to get beef and all the other ingredients while Leon went off for a family lunch. Played scrabble when we came back and had so much fun! Also made a tom yum steamboat for the rest of the guests who don't take beef. Very yummy! And very very fun! Jer came to join us after sending his gf home after that. Opened up the damned Chivas that night and fricking hell. Whiskey has once again proven to be poison to me. Drank fuckloads that night. Was on a losing streak. Finished the vodka, lambos was for 10 cards and above and we had to drink Chivas. Vile thing. Cant take Whiskey coke for nuts so drank it neat, shot after shot, after shot, after shot.. and went down like a plane in distress. Baileys shot was sinfully nice as well, but couldnt take too much of it, else not enough for flaming ><><>< Don't remember anything except being in the bathroom puking my guts out, smelling Chivas in my head and Jeremy talking to me and Leon holding me. I hate hate hate hate Chivas!!! Woke up this morning facing the wall to find Jer sleeping next to me, and Leon sleeping above myself. No more Chivas in a loooong time. I always get drunk and puke on that vile thing!!

One Blessed Christmas.
One family of pals.
A brother, a sister and a bunch of buds I love.
6 bottles of liquor.
2 awesome dinners.
A few funny stories.
A message from a person who said he misses me.
And I think maybe, I miss him too.
Plenty of laughter and teasing and love.
One round of wrestling with Leon VS my godsis and myself.
7 small bruises the size of one cent coins.
1 huge bruise the size of a matchbox.
Smashing good time. One I'd never forget.
Feeling happy, and in love with them. :)

And yay! Gonna go to Johor with them, probably to colour my hair if we have to time. I can't wait! I love my didi, my nana, my hao, my tween! I especially love my Didi! A month over before he goes back. This time, I'm gonna feel sadder. Have grown very attached to my didi in the past month >< No one at my beck and call liao T_T

Anyway I hope you guys had a great Christmas. I certainly did and I am just very glad I spent it with my loved ones as well :)

Merry Christmas once again! :)

And one more thing, Friday this guy who came to tear down the place smells like K. Oh my god. He smells a lot like K. I got a heady rush each time that fellow moves near me. Kept getting flashbacks of that night with that scent hovering in the air. Sets my heart aflutter thinking of him close to me, holding me, his scent filling my head. Can't get him out of my mind now..

I miss you too.. :)

Been a looooong time since I cleaned up somebody else's house. In fact the only house I've helped cleaned in my life previously was Andy's. And today I helped clean Leon's old place. Not that I wanted to but I, or rather, we - Leon, Nana, Hao and I, have got no choice! Had to prepare his old house for the party on Sat. And boy, it was soooo dirty! But of course, after all our hard work, the living room, and the selected living quarters and the washrooms are now spanking clean :) Second toilet I've washed in my life. No prizes for guessing whose the first. Not my own definitely! Soooo uber tired right now. Been a long time since I have done this, and my back is aching from all the scrubbing, mopping, vacuuming etc. And my hands feel sore and tight. So ke lian right. Work all day, finish working still gotta toil >< Haha. But quite fun la.

Can't wait till Sat :) Gonna spend it with the people I love, doing my favourite activity :) I'm tired, but happy :)

K gonna go moisturise my poor hands roughed out by the harsh cleaning liquids with some yummy moisturiser and tlc(from myself la ><)

Jya ne! Oyasuminasai ^^

Cutie really does smoke. OMG. Leon saw him smoking with that hei yen mei today. So young smoke what smoke! Maybe I should join them too. Then can strike up a conversation with him. Hahaha.

Today Leon said this.

"Cutie reminds me of someone. Mervyn. Don't you feel so?"

Coincidentally, just hours ago, I thought of the same thing. Cutie does remind me of Mervyn. Haha.

Oh well. That's life. :)

Been pretty tired out from work lately even though I'm basically doing nothing. It's a tough job letting my didi bully ok! Now I am physically, mentally scarred thanks to all his beatngs, pinching, slapping, molesting etc. Haha. Spending quite a lot of time with the boys after work as well. Nicest thing is that they come and visit us all the time. So it's pretty fun!

Only shitty thing is both Leon and I are sick. But being a wonderful jie jie, I let him take a few hrs nap while I slog my ass (Slack and read actually :P) at work. I am so nice. Haha.

Weekend was great! Went Mdm Wong with Yan, her friend, Char, Alice, Caiwen and some of their friends. Damn funny, Yan was pretty much gone by the time we left. Silly girl! Haha.

Been drinking on a regular basis now so I'm pretty much living an adult's life (?)

Still PMSing. Still very moody. A little pissy. Times like these, I just wanna try smoking. Ridiculously curious when I am PMSing. Sucks. Just sick of being nice, being decent, being what everyone expects me to be. Good girls finish fucking last, don't you feel? Leon's been calling me a slut. Haha. Might as well be one right.

Moody! Need to lose some weight. Darnest.

Sometimes, I wonder
If given another chance
Would you fucking cheat on me,
like you did.
Or would you have stayed?

Would you have recklessly destroyed everything we worked hard for?
Or would we take a next step forward and be happier?


What exactly is love?
Love blinds.
When I look back, what wonder why didn't I see the tell tale signs right from the beginning.
When you gave me a choice of two evils.
Why would I have put more effort, put more love, put more sacrifice, put more patience, for a person like you.
Why?

The day you used the word 'beg' on me, I wished I had thrown it back in your face, on how you begged me numerous times as well. Why did I swallow that humiliation, bit my tongue and let that word slide into my mind and slice my heart? Why did you use that word on me when I have never used it on you. Is pride so important to always put yourself above me? Why did I always make it so easy for you, even right to the end? I swallowed every bit of my pride to fill yours. The last moments we spent together, was awfully painful. So much harm was done, so much tears were shed, but I guess you didn't know cause all you could think was yourself. You didn't care about the consequences. It was for me to bear afterall. Those moments are the ones that will forever haunt me, frighten me, and scar me. And I hate you for them. And I hate myself more for allowing you to harm me like that. Why did you do that to me when you said you still cared. I am not an animal.


Sometimes, I wonder if you regretted. If you ever would regret this.

But I guess you are right, maybe you aren't good enough to deserve me.

In the end, the only one you love most, is yourself.


Fucked up mood.

On a totally different page, holaaaaa that cutie smokes. I wonder how old is he. He looks, really really reaaaally young. Saw him holding a pack today. Damn, wished I were smoking too, then can go stand with him at the bin to socialise. AHAHAHA. But good thing, I caught him looking at me when me passed me! Yaayyiest. I bet hes like 19. Ya I know he's young (I think) but what to do. Damn bored at work. Made a few friends with the guys there yesterday but two of them are at a roadshow. So too damn bored and he's like the cutest within sight, so that will do for the moment.

Sian.. I am going crazy. Sucks. P come soon please!


And, Xmas is coming! Gonna be my first Xmas as a single in like 2 yrs and yippeee!! Gonna spend it with the boys. Getting awfully wasted of course :) Suppose to go club with Christina and co but I sacrifice ok! Cause I love my boys more! (Forced into it. Haha)

Sian, wanna club soon. Having withdrawal symptoms again. Ahhhhh. Sucks la

Fuck. Wanna dance, wanna drink, wanna break free.

Xmas come soon leh.

And one last thing. HAPPY THING. Tween's home! That bugger came back with a Second Upper! WELCOME HOME "LAOGONG"!! AHAHAHA. My future husband *Wink* Proud of you kiddo! :) Welcome back. We missed you dearly :) Xmas fix me a flaming lambo, your that pink pussy (HAHAHA) dunno what fuck-blah, and all your revolting sounding drinks ah! :)

Random: Went to pick Di from the airport. My favourite section to the left. Guess what it is :P 

Random: Just wanna flash this. My favourite woman. I'll marry her anytime if she wants me. My Nicole baby. 

Random: My new and improved ear. LoL. 

Sis and I 

Di and I at O. 

With my lovelies at Wong :) 

Today, Tween finally came back with a Second Upper. My future husband. Hahaha. *SMooches* *wink* And we indulged in my favourite deliciously sinful world. 

And that's how the story goes.. All my biatches are back now! <3 

Wah fuck la.
Think I am a tad too high.

Sia la.
So much fun.
Legs aching.
So tired.
Gonna be dead at work tomorrow.

Fuck la.
Cheers until blur.
Hahhha.

*burpies*
Night night.

Musings

Met Yan for a quick dinner + catchup after work today. Touched on plenty of issues. One which revolves around life and our lack of feelings for other people.

And then. We started to wonder out loud about our 'status'. She has been single for almost 1.5 years while I have been single for almost 0.5 years. And on my way home, it suddenly hit me. No. I haven't been single for 6 months. In fact, I have been single only for like what, 2 months? And I realised, why do I treat M as almost non-existent in my life? He was an ex-boyfriend, but why didn't it register in my life?

Wow. How heartless and cold of me. What happened?

I wonder if I did the right thing by giving you up.
I wonder if you did the 'right' things, would we still be an item.
I wonder if I should have tried harder.
I wonder if you can give me the greatest happiness I suspect you might then.
I wonder if I let you past by me in a hurry.
I wonder.. I wonder.. I wonder..
PMSing perhaps.

I've got a new baby in my life. :)
Pictures up when I am free. Dashing, slim and makes me happy.
Weeeet!

It's party night tomorrow!!

Time to sayang my baby. Night!!
Yippeeee doooodles!!

PMSing badly

I've built a home, in my heart.
Waiting for the day when the stranger walks right through.
For me to know, and to say 'welcome home'