Song for the day

Seether - Broken

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel light when you’re gone away

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel light when you're gone away

Doh.. tuition been pushed back till 4 pm, that leaves me with an hour odd to slack. So, I'll just blog a little before I hit the stack of papers I havent been reading since forever.

All sensitive noses out there, the blardie haze is back!!! Argh. I hate it. Been coughing and making small coughs become bad. Gets especially bad late at night. Somehow, when it's all quiet, noises gets louder and haze gets smellier :P Gah. Feeling really cranky right now. Didn't sleep well last night. Coughed quite a bit, wheezed a little and woke up with a bad headache, again. Sigh. I HATE THIS. I'm assuming some forests in Indo are on fire right now. Sigh. Major contributor of air pollution. I wish it would rain. At least it clears up the haze a bit. Sigh. Must try to minimise talking later. Else I'm gonna cough in my kid's face. Very tired, weak. And I think I am running a slight fever. Don't feel right :/ Pooi.

Anyways, enough of my hazey tales. Pooi. Yesterday was good! Eve of our 10th month, and met up with Leon, Christina, Guang and Jeremy for Leon's birthday dinner. Andy came to pick me up to send me to Northpoint and midway there, he said he would be joining, much to my delight! Muacks. Totally unexpected! Was happy :) Dinner was at Sakae! Thankies Didi! Muack! Was good. I missed the food. Somehow I feel I didn't eat what I wanted to eat. Haha. Not enough at least. Then they decided to head over to Leon's place to drink. We didn't want to drink so we sent them back to Leon's place and went to Holland v. Good day :) Missed those peeps. Jeremy looked really vain in his new hair. He says it was done by army. SAF now damn hip. Haha.

Gonna be joining his family tomorrow for dinner. Will be meeting his grandma and aunts. Quite nervous. But in a way, I'm looking forward to it. He said his grandma is like Santa. Haha. the jolly sort, so I'm guessing she should be cute. Heh.

Okie, gonna wait for him to come back to the com and read the papers after he leaves. Haze is in the air. Take care everyone. Hugs hugs!

Once again, Happy 10th month Bunny!!!! *HUGSSSSSS*

Happy 10th month Bunny! Lotsa Hugs and kisses! The most wonderful wondeful 10 months in my life! May we have many many many many more 10 months to come! :)

Gaaaahhhhh... Haven't updated in days. Been busy busy busy busy busy. Very busy. Lotsa of things happened after Andy decided to stay. Drama here and there but basically things are more or less settled. His parents want him to stay at this flat near his house. His brother's old place, since it's empty now, they want him to move it. Protests, tears, anger, blah blah, but now everything is more or less settled. In fact he seemed happier and happier and looking forward to it now as compared to previously. Been stressed up over that to reconcile the differences and act as a 'middleman'. Gonna be busy for the next 2 weeks I guess. His parents will be out of town so I'd probably be busy helping him to pack his stuff into boxes, then after that, will be at a chalet for Fu's birthday then will be helping him to set up his new place after that. Busy busy busy. Lotsa things to do. Stock food, clean up the place, make that place comfy for that boy etc etc. His room is in a mess right now. Hard to pack. Bleah. Hopefully next week, before we go for the chalet, we can more or less move some small stuff over first. Busy busy.

Andy taught me how to skate behind his house. Skated in circles. Ha. Not bad. Wanna 'upgrade' to ECP soon. Went to see the skating competition on Sat as well. His etaks friends were there apparently. Quite nice. Too bad we didn't have the time to watch the aggro skaters part. I had wanted to watch that. Had to go meet their family for their's Father's Day dinner. Ethan's so so adorable!

Watched House on the Range the day before. Was ok lor. Nothing fantastic. But the character were cute. Don't watch it on a weekend k. Not worth the money.

I guess apart from that, nothing else happened. Small small things. Can't really remember.. But.... It's Leon's birthday today!

Happy Birthday DIDI!!! HuGs! Thank you for always being there for me! You've been the best guy friend ever! SOrry I've been neglecting you of late. You're always my bestest Didi! Thank you for loving a sis like me! Hugs! Love you too Di! *hugs*

Oh well. Miss my girls. Hope fen's doing fine. Email pleaseee! *Hugs* Okay dokie. Bedtime. Been having really action-packed dreams. SLeep a lot but don't feel rested. Gah.

Oh yeah. Yelled at my kid's little brother. P1 kid. Pesky little thing. Very noisy, and I think he likes me, kept playing footsie and kept trying to hug and touch me. Horrendously naughty. I would be tempted to drown my son if he turns out like that. Seriously beyond control. Screams and even tried to lick my leg. First time in my life I actually entertained thoughts of giving a kid a really good beating. It's that bad. Their mom wanted me to teach them, but told her daughter I was too gentle and didn't dare ask me. Might end up getting bullied. Gosh, I don't wanna teach him. I'd probably go nuts. I think I would end up slapping him out of anger.

Okie. Went over to accompany his mom today. No luck at mahjong sia. SIgh. Was trying to play big big. Bleah. Andy had lots of luck too. SPockie was so cute! He was caressing my leg! Such a sweetie! I larff him! So lazy. Like his owner :P Muacks.

Alrighty, take care everyone! Hugs all! Love you bunny! Nightyyyy!

Hur hur. Something is wrong with blogspot previosusly. Didn't publish my entries properly. Oh well. Have been lazy as well. Haha. Oh well. Can't remember what happened but basically the highlight is, Andy is staying! Yes! He's staying! Wee! Forever and ever! I am so glad he has decided to. I couldn't ask for anything more. Hugs.

Watched a few movies. Day after tomorrow and Harry Potter. Day after tomorrow is good. Was Woah. LoL. Harry potter is not bad. Though I find that kid resembling Frodo the idiot. Ha.

Watched Harry Potter last night. Went to shop for headsets for Teamspeak in the afternoon after giving tuition. Teamspeak is a programme that allows people to talk real time via a server. Like a telephone lor. Minus the hefty charges and allows you to yank to more than 1 person. Like a chatroom. But you hear them. Quite cool. Andy says its good for gaming, so oh well. Quite cool. Haha! We are such a e-savvy couple! LOL. Bought 2 set, Logitech's from sim lim for 49 bucks. Pretty pretty. Whole sim lim got 2 sets left from 2 different shops. Popular man. LoL. So now. We can yak on it without calling each other! Woo Hoo! Gonna be noisy if its a group though. Hehe.

Woke up at 7 am this morning to do Master Level 4 for my Theurgist. Blardie early. LoL. It's some game raid that makes your character possess special abilities upon completing it. That dood organising it came late by an hour. So damn sleepy. Went to RvR after that. Zerg man! So fun! Haha. Relic attempt. Took back ours. Oh well. Better than nothing. Went to Merlin afterwards. So hard to level.. sleepy.. Lol

Just woke up from my nap. Hur. Okie. Gonna stop. Sleepy. Have a good day evryone!

Feels like a huge load has been lifted from my shoulders. Today is a day I rejoice. So we made a pinkey promise. You will stay. And together forever we shall be. You will not regret this. We shall both work hard and create our future together. You and me. Together. :)

I love you. So much. And I believe you love me too. I really do :) I am glad you will stay for me. I really am. :)

Sleepy and happy. Update again.. Goodnight everyone. Night Love. :)

Fricking spam thingie is infecting my com again! Argh. This is so annoying! Argh!! Putting me in a really bad mood. Can even look up a solution properly. Breaks up the linked url into words. Can't click. Dammitz!

On the brighter note. Today was great! Went over to Andy's place. Greeted by him at the pathway. Was pouring, took a cab so he was my brolly hero. Then Spock! That sweet little thing just took his bath and he looked all clean, handsome and fluffed up. Pretty! Batman! He always looks so happy to see me when he just took his bathe. Think he knows he can lick me, snuggle with me when hes clean. I tend to be more affectionate when he's clean. SPockieee I la foOo joOo. My Prince Doggie!!

AUnty came into the room to give me huggies. She's so sweet! She reminds me so so so much of my mum sometimes. I'm blessed. Said she sent us an email.. and she'll talk to me again.. not to worry etc.. *sigh* Worried.. Kinda was given a leap of faith last night.. But now.. I am back to the same spot again. *Sigh*

Yesterday was *sighy*. Pretty depressed all day. Needed a stroll badly so he took Spock out to take a stroll with me. We got stalked by 2 strays when SPock peed in their territory. Was funny. Quite scary actually. Like some action ninja show, where the 2 strays stalked at a distance, one of each side, closing in for the kill. Haha. Damn exciting. They peed at the spots SPock peed at to 'take back' their territory. Spock was so brave! Was standing up for us! *Gush* My Herodoggie! That clumsy dog tripped! Haha. Quite a sight. One of his legs buckled while he was walking on the grass. HAHAHAHA. Like owner like dog. LoL. Damn funny. Couldn't stop laughing. Spock really reminds me of Andy some times. Endearing.. Beautiful eyes, sensitive, adorable, clumsy, cute, LAZY etc etc. Haha. Should just observe the both of them. You would think they are twins beneath that physical differential. Very cute.

Had a good stroll and enjoyed our time together. Had felt hope after our talk when we both got home. *sigh* Sigh. This means so much it hurts.



Nothing is ever correct because it came from me.. So many things I wish to say but I know I can't.. I don't know how to tell you how I feel, because you see it as a pressure point.. I feel helpless.. I don't wanna wait till it's too late for regrets.. time is running out.. Grant me courage to stand up for what I believe in.. Stop compromising.. I want my happiness back.

Hurmm... mail.com seems to have an incy wincy bit of a problem loading. Bleah. Hehe. Gonna type a mail to my girls soon. Hey dearies, I think we should email more. I agree with fen. Blogs are updates but that as personal. Oh well, let's do both!

Today was pretty good. Woke up in shock ( slept too much, was suppose to go over to Andy's place ), so I was late, and he was up. Ha. Haha, he was at the bus stop with Spock. Needed him to help me carry some books meant for Teresa. Haha. 2 women said Spock 'heng mei, yen jing heng lan' Hahaha. Spock's blardie chio. Always attract so much attention. I la foo joO! Had to walk him but basically got walked instead. That chump's got strong legs. Had trouble figuring out when he will pee so basically he was peeing all over his legs. :( Boo Hoo. Hope he still loves me! I la foo jOo! He's so adorable.

Had lunch ( He made Tacos for me!!! Weeee! Yummm! ) and watched Friends. Had a good talk with him about plans.. Hopefully he stays.. No idea yet. Sigh. Depressing.. God help me..

Went to Peninsula Plaza afterwards for shoe shopping. His shoes. Bought two pairs. Hehe. Wee. He got the one we saw at Tanglin Mall some time ago. Helped him bargain a little and got a wee bit more of discount.

Met Zack afterwards for The Day After Tomorrow. Hrm. I enjoyed it. It's just the scenics. There's just something so devastating and yet beautiful to it. I don't know, but it was just those periods when you fall silent and marvel at the works of Mother Nature. Woah. I enjoyed it. Felt colder after the show. Ha.

Damn. mail.com is still down. Growl. Sigh. Just to clear any misunderstandings, Andy and I are doing good :) Just that he may leave for the States. So I am pretty much affected by that.. Wish me luck alright! Pray for us!

I dread this morning. Woke up with a massive headache with painful reminders to boot. Of reality and dreams.

Came home late last night and it was pretty much feeding my headache that has lasted for a few days, on and off. Wasn't well enough to give tuition in the morning so I cancelled it. Went back to sleep and my nightmare began its journey.. manifesting itself as I sleep.

Was basically more or less suicidal in my dream. Dreamt that we had a very very very horrible argument. And he no longer wanted me in his life. And me made me leave, asking me to get out of his sight. So I ran. Literally and metaphorically. There was no one else in my dream to help me along the way. Halfway through, my brother my chasing me down endless flights for stairs while I fled in tears. For some reason, as I was about to stop and receive his support, he disappeared. Next up, for some reason or another, QY and Fu appeared in my dreams. Or rather, their names popped up. Wanted to seek help from them but they were making their way to each other's homes for dinner. So in the end. I was alone, roaming a place identified as "Funan" though it nowhere near it.. There were hordes of people in the vicinity, as, apparently, they built a theme park, those old sort, near it, and hordes of teens from China apparently were rushing to try it. Had some weird emotional thingie when I saw the rollercoaster. Probably cause he likes those stuff. And some other details I cannot recall.

Woke up feel worse.. got woken up actually when he called. Just felt super lousy with a headache that was about to kill him. Questions were asked, but no answers can be given since my brain was more or less dead. Because of that. No one was happy.

I feel miserable. I want to get down to work. But, I think I'm the only one who feels this way. Part of me just fears that even if I try very hard, they will still not be considered simply because it doesn't matter.

I am lost. And helpless. What should I do next...?

Read Beeyan's blog. Feeling sad. Seems like quite a number of people around me are down. Is it PMS? Sigh. In the words of Leon, When it rains, it pours.

Thank you to those who have been there for me and shown me immense concern. I appreciate it, I really do.. Thanks a lot and be patient with me ya? :)

In the shower.
I thought of.
A million things.
You could do.
If you stayed.

So won't you please.
Hear me out.
Before you accept.
Any other alternatives.
That I would.
Hate to hear.

Give me a chance.
To show you.
How wonderful.
Things could be.
If you were here.
With me.

Listen to my pleas.
For they are not futile.
It could make you.
Who you want to be.
Without having us.
Apart.

Just one chance.
Is all I ask of you.
A shot.
For me.
To make your dreams come true.

Let me try.
I love you.
Just 3 more days.
At the end of my exam.
I would try my very best.
And give my all.
To show you.
The many possibilities.
I thought of.
For you to fulfill.
All your dreams.
Without sacrificing us.
And a degree.

It's 7.30 in the evening as I write this.
And I feel strangely alone.
All numbed out.
Strangely comfortable in my own pain.
Digging into my skin.

My heart is still tearing.
From what I used to know.
I am.
On the Brink.
Of collapse.

A million voices yell out.
In my head.
For things I never said.
Of pleas.
That you would never hear.

Here I stand.
Not knowing which road I should take.
The one for the weak, and humane.
Or.
The one for the strong and unfeeling.

I would tell you a million times.
Every single day.
Of how much.
I love you.
And how much.
I need you.

To have you beside me.
Is something I would never look.
At the same way again.

To brush it away.
Is an impossible task.
For I.
Want.
You.
Here.

The clock is ticking.
And my heart sinks.
With every lost second.
With questions of.
Why.
How.
When.

There you are.
On MSM.
Do you know that.
Every word.
Ends with a.
I love you?

Trying not to cry.
For reality is such.
That the fittest survive.
For I am not.
I am just.
A.
Girl.

Little things you do.
Little injuries that has been inflicted upon you.
Makes me yearn more.
I wonder.
How you're going to take care of yourself.
Make your bed.
Clean your table.
Put your clothes away.

I adore moments.
Of you.
Taking care of me.
Like a little girl.
Amusing me.
Knowing that.
You pamper me like a child.
But is totally clueless.
When taking care of yourself.

Your silly grin.
Your silly gestures.
Your silly dance :)
Your silly songs.
Silly boy.
I have grown to love.
And much more.

Your serenades.
I would always remember.
The songs.
Plays in my background.
With images of you.
Running through my heart.
And my heart.
Tears once again.

Please.
You would say.
But I am.
Afterall.
Only a girl.

Every moment.
I pray.
For you.
To stay.
But still.
Nightmares engulfs me.
Making me feel.
The things.
I have never felt before.

Seven forty nine.
I could hear you speak out.
The way you always do.
The perfect diction.
Picture perfect.
A flutter of your lash.
Is all that is needed.
To take my pain away.

Irrelevance is what I.
Have now.
Nothing makes sense.
Until you came along.
But now.
My sight is fogging out.

A million plans.
A million hopes.
On the brink of getting all dashed.
Pain seizes me.

This negativity is a plague.
And it haunts me.
Minute after minute.
Engulfing my senses.
Drowning me.
In that lovely pot of pain.

The dark is creeping me.
Bells of destruction.

Moments of joy.
Repeats itself.
Reminding me of what.
I may be about to lose.
Picturesque.
The horrible joys.
Of life.
So unfair.
Is such.
My life.

Your impact.
Is beyond my understanding.
ANd as I call out to you.
My pleas.
Would you listen to me.

I love you.
With all my heart.
Yet this is.
Tearing me apart.

I need a sign.
A glimmer of hope.
Let me be yours.
And you,
Be mine.

A fantasy.
SCreams out.
Saying.
Together and forever.
We shall.
Never be apart.

A simple plea.
That would never be enough.

I love a Boy.
Named Andy.

The Bends - Radiohead

Where do we go from here?
The words are coming out all weird
Where are you now when i need you?
Alone in an aeroplane
Falling asleep beside the window pane
My blood will thicken.

I need to was myself again to hide all the dirt and pain
I'd be scared that there's nothing underneath
And who are my real friends?
Have they all got the bends?
Am i really sinking this low?

My baby's got the bends
We don't have any real friends
I'm lying in a bar with my drip feed on
Talking to my girlfriend waiting for something to happen
And i wish it was the sixties
I wish i could be happy
I wish, i wish, i wish that something would happen.

Where do we go from here?
The planet is a gunboat in a sea of fear
Where are you when i need you?
They brought in the cia
The tanks, and the whole marines to blow me away
To blow me sky high.

My baby's got the bends
We don't have any real friends
I'm lying in a bar with my drip feed on
Talking to my girlfriend waiting for something to happen
And i wish it was the sixties
I wish i could be happy
I wish, i wish, i wish that something would happen.

I want to live and breathe
I want to be part of the human race.