Angel's wings

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Lazy afternoon.. Doesn't help that it's raining! Yippeee! Been raining a fair bit these days.. Maybe they are little gifts to me from up above :) I love the rain.. Calms me down and puts me in a reflective mood. Staring out of my window and looking at the tiny droplets of rain. Amazing isn't it? From nothing to becoming something. I love the little pleasures in life. I don't need big things to make me happy. All I need is the 'littlest' small things like rain, ocassional rumbling of the thunder to make me excited, huge clouds on a blue blue sky and a smiling face of someone I love dearly in my mind to keep me happy.

I so yearn to go somewhere away from the public's eye right now, just to stretch out my hands and feel the rain on my face. To be able to taste this wonder wonder gift and it's cool sensation on my skin. To be cleanse and to soak in Nature's wonder. But here am I, sitting in front of my com, digesting my lunch and pretending I am out there. In about 2 minutes, I would have to head back to my notes and immerse myself in the horrible world of Macroeconomics! Gah.

I so want to go somewhere and run away from everything. To just let loose and pretend I do not have responsibilities and free from worries. Of course, I would like to *drag* someone along with me. Otherwise, it's meaningful if it's without him. :) I am an escapist. How sad.

***

My favourite TV drama is coming to an end! In case you are wondering, I am referring to Virtues of Harmony on Channel U. Such a nice comedy! A pity.. Boo hoo. Oh well.. There's suppose to be a modern version.. hmmm... ANyway I cheated.. read the synposis so I know what to expect.. Mu Ha Ha! =D

And yesssssssssssssss! That couple with that rotten bf (Ray and Deanna?) got eliminated! Weee!! I can't stand Ray. He is such a control freak/pig-headed stubborn idiot! Was talking to Andy last night and we both decided we should never go on a show like that ever. We'll probably end up killing each other. He'll probably be like a nicer version of Ray driving me nuts with all his instructions while I'll be like Deanna, bitching and complaining non-stop and asking him to stfu and cutting me some slack. Haha. Quite a funny sight. But of course, at the end of it when we get eliminated, he will probably say some touching stuff and we will make up. By the way, I wonder what happened to Deanna's(?) face. Looked like she got boxed or something. Her eyes were swollen and there seemed to be some allergy/bruises on them. But I love the elderly couple though.. they're so sweet.. I went awwww when they took away all their stuff and she said all they have is each other now.. Let's say it together now! Awwww. I can't stand the boyfriends as well.. *shudder*I cringed everytime they call the other party Baby or Hunny. Luckily it doesn't happen too much. Lynn's so bitchy. Rob's mean but I am rooting for them actually. Haha. The brothers aren't too bad either. Hehe.

Oops. Okay, time to get back to studying. Tata! Have a great evening ahead!

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Thanks everyone for the concern :) I am fine now. Thank you all so much! I feel very loved! :) Special thanks to Winnie and Bee Yan especially. Thanks for sharing girl. And for all your advice. They made me so much stronger. And I do hope that that special someone will come knocking on your door soon and give you everything you deserve and so much more. You are beautiful, inside out! You deserve so much more than that lowly scum!!

Dearest Andy, I don't know what else to say other than I love you, so much. You had been amazing over the past few days. Being ever so patient and still loving towards me and my unreasonable tantrums. I believe you and I know you didn't do what you did on purpose. I trust you. And I hope that you will trust me too. Please do not hide anything from me anymore. And I will try my very best to be more vocal about how I feel about things. Thank you too, for doing what I asked you to. It means a lot to me and tells me how much 'us' means to you. You should know how I feel towards you and I am glad that you feel just as strongly too. We'll make this work together. I love you. Always have, and always will. Hugs.

The Calling - Stigmatized

If I give up on you
I give up on me
If we fight what's true
Will we ever be
Even God himself
And the faith I knew
Shouldn't hold me back
Shouldn't keep me from you

Tease me
By holding out your hand
Then leave me
Or take me as I am
And live our lives
Stigmatized

I can feel the blood
Rushing though my veins
When I hear your voice
Driving me insane
Hour after hour
Day after day
Every lonely night
That I sit and pray

Tease me
By holding out your hand
Then leave me
Or take me as I am
And live our lives
Stigmatized

We live our lives
On different sides
But we keep together
You and I
Just live our lives
Stigmatized

We'll live our lives
We'll take the punches everyday
We'll live our lives
I know we're gonna
Find our way

I believe in you
Even if no one understands
I Believe in you, and
I don't really give a damn
If we're stigmatized

We live our lives
On different sides
But we keep together
You and I
We live our lives
On different sides

We're gonna live our lives
Gotta live our lives
We're gonna live our lives
We're gonna live our lives
Gonna live our lives
Stigmatized

Monday, March 28, 2005

Past few days had been memorable. Times spent with Andy celebrating our 19th month and his birthday. Hope he liked his presents. Had great times with Zack and Ju, and Fu and QY at Marina South. Yummy food as always. Thanks Ju for helping me take such huge pieces of charsiew!!! =D You're the sweetest! Black Angus at One Fullerton proved to be a much better choice than the one at Orchard. The service here was way better and personally, I prefer the food here. Forgot to bring my camera though. Sigh. Loved my teriyaki sirloin. Very nice!!! So bloated. Met up with his classmates too. Also had lunch with his family.. Poor Ethan couldn't stop crying.. sigh.. I feel so sorry for his brother and sis-in-law. I dont think I can handle wailing kids for long. They freak me out big time. Makes you feel extremely guilty for not being able to make them feel better. Oh well.

***

Humans are weird sometimes.. We try as hard as we can to appear selfless and understanding, but often, we can't walk the talk. Things happen you break down.. Trust is eroded.. Some things may never be the same again..

Some things are just too much to ask.. Which is better? To be open and honest about things, or be hush hush about it? Which to pick? To be told the details or to be shielded away from hurt. To ask the person to maintain a distance or to let things progress naturally? Some things are just so difficult.

People often run away.. That's because its too much to bear. Seeing is believing.. The truth always hurts. Some people choose not to be hit in the head. Logical, isn't it? May not help.. but it's better than being presented with the facts. An overkill of honesty only breaks hearts.

But then again, if being less honest maintains harmony.. but then, hides things, becomes secrets, doesnt tt foster mistrust? I don't know what to think, what to choose.

***

God, please tell me what to do... I am hurting badly.. I need healing.. I need a sign. Should I pretend? Should I understand? Should I open my farking mouth and be selfish? Please, please, please help me... Should I walk away? I am hurting too badly to sit there and watch..

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Happy 25th Birthday to my precious boy!!! Love you always!

And, happy 19 months and one day to us too :)

Thursday, March 24, 2005

A clever story. Heh. Enjoy :)

***
After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that she wanted to live in the couple's multimillion dollar home, and since the man's lawyers were a little better, he prevailed. He gave his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out.

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning and mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit...

Repairmen refused to work in the house...The maid quit...

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house.

She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back...

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth...But only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home...

.....including the curtain rods.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005


Today.. as I was clearing my duplicated photos.. I saw this.. felt a stab.. Posted by Hello


Memories.. Posted by Hello


Memories.. Posted by Hello


I miss them.  Posted by Hello

Monday, March 14, 2005

Smashing Great Weekend!

My weekend was great! Thanks to all my bestest friends!

Met up with the girls on friday. Managed to meet Andy for a quick bit before that to pass him something. Haven't seen him much perviously cause he was busy with work and school.. so decided to just pop by during his dinner interval before meeting the girls. Had nice zhi cha at Meridian.. Thanks Ling for the intro! A little spicy and most of us were sniffing at the end of it! Was shiok! Ate like a pig! Had nice dessert after that and we bitched about bosses, life, school, and our future. Been a while since I met up with all of them and it sure felt great! More more more! Moved to PS after that to catch up somemore before we headed home. Happy and contented :)

Saturday, met up with Jer and Hao. Went to Ikea to look see. Feels weird not having Leon around. A little less crazzzzieeeee without him but all was still great! Had a really run time looking at things and fooling around with them in the store. Such great company! Didi.. miss u leh :/ Went over to meet Andy at Dhoby Ghaut after his class and headed back to Bishan to get some food for the hammies and also to get the car. Had a nice dinner with all his friends in Fisherman's village after that.. Nice place.. Love the breeze.. The food's isn't too bad.. and I think I am addicted to crispy baby squid.. had that two days in a row and I'm craving for more! Yummmie...

Went to catch Robots with everyone after dinner and I must say I get really annoyed when I come into contact with very rude people, especially middle-aged adults who thinks they know everything. Was queuing for cupcorn when this man behind me told the cupcorn counterboy ( a boy of about 18?) off. He was basically hurrying the kid to mix more corn since everyone wants the same thing and that he is slowing things down by attending to each order individually. The boy has a wounded thumb that was hastily wrapped in tissue and tied with a rubberband. I'm guessing he got burnt by the hot steel steamer used to contain the corn. I mean, if you are in a queue, and you are next in line, does it kill you to just wait for a short minute? Plus, some people may want less salt/less butter/more salt/more butter and we all know that one man's wine may be another man's poison, so how is it the same? Or too cold for the next customer blah blah blah. They are offering a service to you, serving you delicious cupcorn at the risk of scalding their own fingers, so why can't you just shut your trap, wait and be grateful you have someone to serve you food? And because of him, the kid got annoyed as well and told him back that he is already making 2 cups at one go and after that, he scooped out more corn enough for 2 more people into the container which he used to mix it with the butter and the salt. And guess what, the amount of butter and salt was for two portions. And I had to eat less delicious cupcorn because of that ungracious man. I cannot believe he actually did that when just a few minutes ago, he told his son (about age 8) to wait cause he had to queue up, albeit unwillingly. He gave me this "dont talk or signal when you are Q-ing up, or else you will take up more of my precious time" look when I turned back to ask Andy who was somewhere behind him if he wanted two cups. If it's not your turn, wait lah!

Anyway, robots wasn't too bad. Quite funny.. but a little too short IMHO. Wanna watch Spongebob though.. hehehehe.

Alrighty.. waaaaaaaay past bedtime.. gotta start cultivating good sleeping habits and I am obviously out of line..

Nightttt everyone!!! =D Good week ahead!


Got bored and fiddled around with editing tools.. Dug up old pictures.. and this, is probably my favourite :) Posted by Hello

Sunday, March 13, 2005


Over the weekend, we saw this fat cat resting on top of a car.. looking ?_? while we were busying ourselves with taking her picture.. Posted by Hello


Over the week... I packed and sorted my notes..And this... is only about 2/3 of the crap I have to cover for my exams.. Stress...  Posted by Hello

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Misery loves company

Think I should just keep myself from the world when I am PMSing. I am so not in a good mood. Factors that shouldn't be bothering me normally are now. Things I thought I can live without, now can't. And like they always say, when it rains it pours. Did I mention I lost another kiddo? I lost a sapphire male. All my favourites. Did I mention again I cramped so badly last night and passed out, fell down and now my calf is cramping as well? Did I also mention lotsa shit happened in my game last night involving people I cared about? Shit happens. And it all happened in just a single evening.

I have so much to rant now. I am in an irate mood right now. So let me rant if you may. All these thoughts shall expire 12 hours from now.

I do not understand the balance people mentioned in relationships. I don't think I can ever achieve it. Always foolish, always blind, trying too hard to be perfect. It becomes a habit, a lifestyle. It becomes what is expected of me. It becomes a norm and finally it becomes a chore. Things become the way it should be, it has to be, it must be. Should I shut up, let my life change me, or open up and change my life? Should I pretend things will change or should I make things change? Should I accept myself and others or should I find that balance? Should I continue to be reckless and foolish and sometimes, hard on myself or should I just bother less, care less and be less harsh on myself? Should I continue to embrace misery thinking that only misery makes love bitter sweet or should I love myself once again? Should I keep asking myself and praying for signs that I deserve better and that one day I might just get it or should I just be contented that I am alive and therefore, deserves no more. Should I continue to push on and do things I feel I am able to even though I needn't or should I take a more laid-back attitude and let others worry about them themselves?

I think I secretly adore being miserable, being in pain and being heartbroken. I guess, it makes me feel alive. Makes me feel I am not a superhuman afterall. Makes me realise I need TLC too and makes me realise I have someone to take care of me when I fall. I don't want to be strong sometimes. I am way too strong at others for my own good. I lose passion, I lose life, I lose the way I want to be and become a robot. I lose the meaning in little things and indulge in things that draw me away from myself. I become compulsive, obsessive. I become morbid. I over-analyse and over-state. I would like to pretend to be weak at times too. That's the only way I can get in touch with myself. To feel alive again. I am, afterall, only a girl.

Ignore the above. I am just ranting. Never been better with Andy, so don't worry. Just in a PMS-y mood and feeling pissy.

ps: The 'the one' statement was just a figure of speech. Not to be taken literally. Heh. Would kill him if he doesnt make me that one. Thanks for the concern!

Alrighty. He called. Till then! Out!

Tired.. in pain.. I need a hug.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

How can I be sure he is the one for me? I honestly have no clue. One thing I'm sure though, is that I sure love him a damn lot.

PMS-y. Cramping real bad. Tomorrow's gonna be worse. Sigh.

Monday, March 07, 2005

Reminiscence

Today, memories of my little babies invaded my thoughts once again. The boys.. the boys I love..

I miss Silly.. I really do.. I can still remember the day we picked him out from the litter. Andy picked him :) Cause he felt he was the cutest of the lot (he is). His tiny grey body, goofy face, big round eyes drew us to him like a magnet. And when we brought the both of them back home, the lazy bum was just curled up into a ball, in a state of content while Dilly was busy scampering around trying to find a way out of the little container.. I can still remember how that Silly thing looked when he was just a kid.. He had the perfect face.. glad his kids took after him.. Sigh.. He's always satisfied with what he's got.. Be it space, food or privacy. Andy used to tease me by saying Dilly its always trying to bully his Dilly and it always made me retort in mock anger when deep down inside me, I found it endearing and sweet. Afterall, I would like to think that Silly loves Dilly and therefore lets her have her way and gives her everything she wants..

I really miss him.. there's something about him that makes him endearing. I don't know if its the way he lets your hold him, or the fact that he's such a sweet and generous little animal.. or the way he would stop for a short while to let you take a photo.. Everything about him is special.. Plus Andy picked him.. I really miss him.. that goofy fat kid.. Wish I could hold him now.. and tell him he smells bad... and flip him over and blow on his belly.. I wish.. I wish.. I wish..

The only thing I am glad is.. his little baby accompanied him on this journey.. at least.. he'll never be alone..

This is harder than I thought.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Mourning

Today I said a tearful goodbye to two of my male babies, Silly, and let's name him, Billy. Found them dead when I went over to help him with his papers.

I wished I had spent more time with them. If only.. if only..

The other girl's still missing and I think I've lost her.. Doubt she will come back to me.

Hey babies, I love you all.. so much... I hope you are at a happier place now

Think I'm gonna go cry now. Bye.


Bye Kiddo.. I love you.  Posted by Hello


Bye Silly.. I love you and will always remember you. Posted by Hello

Wednesday, March 02, 2005


For those who missed Botera's art exhibiton at the SAM. Posted by Hello

Sigh. Almost 2 and he's still at work! And he's still gonna take a while. Sigh. Really hope he gets off tomorrow. Else gonna be so unfair! Poor thing. He's almost maxed out, and his papers and exam is due on sat. And I have 2 papers to sit for this week. I am so stressed out.

On a side note. I can't stand people bugging other people to write them testimonials for friendster!! If I like you enough and I am not lazy, I will write one for you! Don't bug me! Don't be so thickskinned can. If someone really likes you, he or she will automatically write for you without even asking can? Don't gimme the crap about whether I have asked people to write for me and therefore maybe I should write for you as well cause I don't ok! People wrote for mine cause they wanted to. I am not free like you to ask around ok! Blardie sway. I don't even know you very well, met you or have you in my list let alone know what to write lor! Bu yao lian! Don't pretend to be popular! So suay. Go in icq first thing ganna bombed.

Ok paiseh. Ranted enough. Now I feel better. What's it with people and testimonials. Ask people to write will make you look pathetic and not popular what. I don't get it. Stupid guy.

Still stressed. Been researching for Andy for the past few days fo his take home exams and papers. Think I know more about his work than my own. Hur hur. Hai. Hope he finishes up soon. So late already!

Oh, it's been raining recently! So happy! Wheeeeeeeee heeeeeeeee! Oh happier now. Time for bed. Night all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!