Angel's wings: 01/01/2006

It's 初二today. Heh. Nothing la. Dunno what to blog about also.

Feeling very thrilled for someone now (Grats dear!! :D) Hopefully we'll see chain reaction hahaha!

Gonna go over to Leon's place later for potluck! Wahaha! Shioks! I prepared some special chicken wing and, how can I forget, my cheesecake! :) Hope the guys will like it :D

Ok, feeling happy today! I wanna go to the zoo! Jason says he wants to go too! Hopefully soon soon! So excited! Havent been to the zoo since I was like what, 8? Had a chance to go a few years also but blew it away then cause I was planning a breakup with one of the people who went >< And Leon went then. Haha. Sorry Di! Paiseh, cause of me, you had to entertain him. Haha.

Can't wait!!

Gonna chill for a bit then take a shower! Then its pa game, pigout and drink at his place with my nakama afterwards!!!!

<3 for the guys!

Happy Lunar New Year everyone!!
Gong Xi Gong Xi!! ^^v

Time for my reunion dinner!
Update again!!

Xing Nian Kuai Le! :D

Weary.
Hurt.
Sad.

Tired of trying.
So many things I am mad at.
But yet, I can never understand why.

Maybe I'm PMSing.
Maybe I am afterall, an intruder.

Closest to my heart.
Closest to my gut.
But I guess, some things have to be done.

I hate being a girl.
Fuck.

Bleah throat hurts ><

Must
Chiong
Game
Today
!!!!
I
Must
!!!!

Beeyan's in TW right now. Boohoo I miss her T_T

I miss someone too.
And his name is Hoegaarden.
T_T

Just came back from crab session with the guys! Haha. So shiok. Couldn't find the place we had initially planned to go and ended up at another place upon Ling's rec! Quite good! They even gave us free dessert! But I've got a sorethroat now >< Saddening! Hehee, craving for durians now!

Happy happy!

Oh and today marks the first time in like 6 months that I've gone without alcohol in a week! Hahaha. Kinda miss drinking but I shall try to give my liver a break! ^^v Feel so proud of myself! LoL~

Came back quite a while ago from Ikea. Saddest. Couldnt find what I wanted. Oh well. Guess Di would have to make another trip with me another day to somewhere else. Sian.

Feeling oddly uncomfortable now. Bad headache, nauseous and my heart hearts, literally. Dunno what I ate. Maybe I've been walking around too much today.

On a brighter note, Di bought my game! Yayyiest! So now Tween and Di are both playing FF now! Weet! ^^v Very happy! Went combed SLS and Funan before we found that precious copy man! Haha.

Today is just a damn weird day. Someone would always talk to me before another one calls. It's like an alert or something. I dunno. It's just weird..

Congrats man.. Frankly I don't know what else to say. Barely two months ago you called to tell me you guys broke up. Two months later, you call me up again to tell me you guys are getting married. Confusion, pain, loss for words, stumped. Those are the feelings I got. What about you? What are the feelings on your side? You said you didn't know or expect to do this, and I guess I am on that same line as you are. I didn't expect this as well and I didn't quite know how to react. I never knew this day would come this soon. Once again, I donned that cheerful laughter and delivered that cheerful voice to your ears. Somehow you always make that out of me. You always make a clown or a fool out of me. Somehow I am always in an automode to make you laugh, like I owed you that. And yes, I don't.

I don't know what to say, really. That gentle voice of yours and those things you said offered no consolation, perhaps only added more pain. Yet it felt like a release. That the struggle may fade a little more, reenforcing the point that there is no reason to. I am worried about you boy. For almost two years, I memorised your every step, your every breath and impulse is in your blood. There is almost nothing you did that you served right from beginning to end. And as a friend, I am scared that you will someday regret this. Even though I hate what you guys have done while putting me as a sacrificial lamb, I doubt I'll find any rejoice when I know you looked back and regret this impulsive marriage.

Marriage is afterall, a lifelong committment from both parts. And I do not understand the 'practicalities' of it. What is a 'practical relationship'? It gives me the jitters and I hope never to follow in your footsteps. I thought about what you and I have both said today and I realised something. True, maybe love is not enough to sustain a relationship. But at least, with that as my soul, I would strive. You probably have your reasons that only you would understand and I hope you won't live to regret it. Life is way too short to live one full of regrets.

Don't get me wrong, I've told you earlier this afternoon that I no longer believe you are the right guy, I just feel bad for you as a fellow being. Impulse kills. That's what I've learnt. I look at C and J's marriage it gives me the jitters. I don't want that to happen to you as well.

One year later you'll be in a far away place with her. Delivering promises you promised me, to her. By then, please learn to cherish what you have. Things that come easy go easy, things that come hard, goes easy as well. It's unpredictable and it's not something you should take for granted. Especially marriages. It takes effort and all your committment. Please don't forget that. It's time to grow up and behave like an adult. Soon you'll be a husband and eventually a father. Time to fend for your brood rather than be defended. To provide and not be provided. And remember what I've told you about time from now to getting cancer :P Be happiest and live well. And of course take good care from radiation as well :P As much as I tease you, I don't want to attend your funeral. It's way too far and I still won't want to see you :P

And yes, you are an asshole. You've said it and I'm glad you know it. And don't worry about me, I'll definitely find someone who is so much better than you are :) Don't think you call me generous, thoughtful and sweet I'll mince my words :P Still hurts ok. You piece of crap :P Go get married and get her that greencard and don't forget NOT to invite me to your wedding.

Be happy Bunny..

Xmas: Our Sukiyaki. Looks duh but it is actually very nice!!

X'mas: Eve's dinner

X'mas: The Alcohol #1

X'mas: The Alcohol #2

X'mas: Ready!

Get Set!

Go! (Hehehe, Not me drinking this la :) )

Chip and Dale. Damn funny. Thinking of them makes me LoL. Can't explain. You need to see it and hear it to know it. I am sure Nana knows why. AHAHAHA.

The bet: The lunch I made for didi. teriyaki chicken wings cooked to the point where the meat was slipping off its bones *slurp* and veggie + mushroom :D Used to cook that so very often but was stumped when once again placed in the kitchen. Man, people do forget how to cook. :P He said it's nice and can marry off liao. Wahahahah ^^v I iz uberest!

Di's rabbit #1. Very cuteee!!

Di's rabbit #2. She's an empress man, always bullying the other rabbit, making him groom her, disturbing him etc. But she's really cute. Hehe.

Removed two of the photographs liao. Picasa somehow went mad and showed me error for those two when in fact, they published it. Lol. I'll put them up later together with its own series^^

Been a week since I've updated. Been busy. Spent most of my time outside home with Leon and the rest. Was mostly at his place since I can't be out running about in my current condition. Wounds still hurt a teeny weeny but they're already scabbing like mad (damn itchy). Honoured my bet and cooked him a meal. 'Cheh' Sims 2 with him (he's now hooked man! Wahahaha!). Went to this wine place which I think will become our next hangout with them. Heheh. Very fun, very nice! Caught Geisha last night as well. Damn nice!!!! Been a while since I've caught a nice movie man! Happy!

Now I'm plotting to sneak out of home later for a little chill out and alcohol. Man, very nervous. Parents been really out of their wits trying to contain me at home lately. Been heading out quite a lot, and staying out late, not coming home etc. So now a little scared to get permission to go out. But the guys are going to our new hangout! Boohoo. Maybe later I shall attempt to join them. Craving for some wine and booze.

K la. Gonna try to post up some pics and thinking of a perfect plot!

Tata~

Damn, I want the taste of alcohol in my mouth NOW! ><

Antibiotics + Wine = A tad sad.. a tad depressed.. a tad of everything sucky..

Been holed up at home lately. Grounded. Wounds have more or less dried up. Except for my right elbow which bled today. Still clingwrapping my wounds when I take my showers. Look like a clown of course.

Feeling sad right now. Feeling forgotten, feeling alone, feeling less-than-strong. Feeling vulnerable, feeling less-than-valuable. Feeling the pains, feeling the ghosts, feeling all things I shouldn't be feeling. Shouldn't have drank. At all. Drugs and alcohol don't mix, I should bear that in mind.

I know I'll be all chirpy and happy tomorrow when I wake up but I guess I just need an outlet now. No matter how happy a self I am, I do feel down at times. Just that vulnerable self I tuck into the closets of my heart most of the time. The self that cries, the self that blames, the self that self-sympathises, the self that hates, the self that runs, the self that decides to dwell and dig into painful pieces of yesterday.

Some things, once offered can never be taken back. Ever ever ever. Ever.

The same goes for love and a lot of other things.

Or was it ever love.

I can no longer tell.

Hope to have someone someday. And yet I don't want anyone.

I don't want anyone to hurt me anymore when I have tried and tried and tried my fucking best.

I dont want anyone to come near me cause I have opened my heart once and have since closed it for good.

I don't want anyone to come show me the world only to take it back for good.

I don't want to learn laughter only as a prelude to the tears that come.

I don't want to know promises by heart only to wait and wait till the sun comes down on me, only to realise they were merely empty promises.

I don't want to give and give like a fool only to know I am giving to an image that didn't quite exist.

I don't want to stay true to myself only to know I have lied to that same self all along.

I don't want to find excuses for anyone anymore cause I am only finding excuses for myself.

I don't want to understand anything at all cause at the end of the day I only find myself realising lies and confusing.

Truly, Back at One.

Indochine: I love taking pictures of food! Hehe. And my yummy beer^^ Blasted sauce gave some of my girls a tummyache >< Die you fricking sauce!!!!

Indochine: I realise the place looks really pretty at night! And see, my plate is clean, I don't always binge on food you know! Yay!

Balcony Bar: Went to the Balcony Bar with the gang! Nice place to just chill and relax! Love this picture too! Sinfully pretty!

See that huge fishbowl glass? That's my favourite mango margarita!! ^^

Balcony bar: The pretty looking bar. Service ain't too great though ><

Random: KTV in Johor! Damn shioks!

Random: A few weeks back, Leon and I went to Fish and Co for our dinner after work. We had the seafood platter for 2 and we were like 2 starving ghosts and polished off everything. And I really meant EVERYTHING. Haha. I wanna eat this again! Yummmmm!

And so, as shown on the pictures below, I went to Ubin with the guys yesterday! Had a lot of fun despite an accident. Yeah yea, clumsy me fell down again. Was riding down the slope when I jammed brake the wrong brake. Braked the front wheels instead of the back (I didn't know which was which ><) and got thrown over my bike and down the slope. So wounds on both my elbows and my left knee cap know. Bruised and slight abrasions on my right thigh and knee cap as well as my belly. Pain like hell man. But to everyone's surprise I didn't cry. Just kept laughing. But doesn't mean if I didn't cry it wasn't painful la. Was freaking painful. But had to tahan because I didn't want to spoil everyone's day especially when I fell like early in the morning.

So the guys took me to the NPP near the jetty of the island, got first aided by this police-clown (damn funny uncle!), fed me with food and coconut juice and off we went to cycle again! Hehe. So brave right. Hahaha. Didn't want to waste everyone's time and spoil the day! Had a good time laughing and watching the guys fool around. Damn funny! But of course, this time I was treated like a Queen by everyone! Damn shiok man!! Hehehe.

Went to Leon's place to wash up after that with the rest. Wanted to just die in his bathroom cause it was so damn painful and raw! >< (But I was cycling around with my wounds previously) Damn funny. But decided not to cause if I pass out, I would have to die, otherwise they would never let me live this 'she was naked in the bathroom and we had to barge in' story down.

After washing up and all, my kneecap started to swell up badly and they took to the doctor. Was damn funny. Felt like a princess man. First time got people to help me take off shoes and tie my shoelaces! Damn shuang I tell you! One guy on each foot. Shioks like hell! Felt damn paiseh though. Everyone, including those at Ubin were like staring at my leg in horror and casting sympathetic glances at me. Maluating. Went back to his place and napped for a bit before Tween sent me home. Damn cham.

Ok la, in quite a bit of pain now. Shall go rest up. Wounds keep dripping this yellowish liquid. Yuck. Gonna go act like a baby now. Thanks guys for taking care of me again! I had craploads of fun despite the little accident. Hehee. Thanks for the royalty treatment! May it continue even after the wounds have healed! Malimalihom! Haha!

K blog again when I am feeling less sleepy! Still got a lot of pictures I havent transferred! Byeeeee!